The last few weeks have been very trying on me as I mourned the death of a co-workers child. I tried to stay strong and be very supportive to others in the office. I mean I thought I was doing great. I am very Spiritual after all. Nothing could make me more ready to be the rock. To help everybody. The atmosphere changed and everyone was so down. You could hear faint laughs coming from the back of the office, but not those whole hearted ones that keep you smiling.
Then a week later I thought I was doing better. I laughed a little more and when approached to search the internet for a florist for the service and to pick our the arrangement. I started sobbing and could not stop as tears ran down my face while filing. I asked a co-worker to help me look and I began to cry more as I saw the arrangements,in baskets to place on the floor, and then the flowers that were to be placed in an, up off the floor arrangement, was even worse and then flower arrangements on little caskets. I could not contain my tears and my crying I had to get away.I felt like I was going to pass out. A friend hugged me and asked me to go walk outside and we did for about a block and I got some fresh air. It took about an half hour to get it together.
Why all this emotion? Because I have already been through all this before. I lost 2 children and I could not bare to go to the service or see the little coffin in front of the church. I did not even pick my own children’s flowers. I just paid for it all. My family made all the plans. I was in shock and could not do it. I will never give up or stop trying to be okay with it. Never giving up….