Healing from the Inside Out

I know a lot of people have dealt with some kind of pain as a child. I have been through some very traumatic situations as a child less than 5 years old.
Molested at a baby sitters home by the other kids being watched there. At home and it followed me to high school, being taken advantage of by force brutally by someone who was about 10 years older than me the day before my birthday and how they found out I have no idea, and they had the nerve to say happy birthday after. And then having a gun held to my head at my own home at the age of 21, by a roommate/friends brother, who she let stay without telling me. He just came out of prison. I went out that night and came home to this person in my home. Thank God, divine intervention stepped in or I would of been killed. I was fighting for my life. A knock came to the front door, he put the gun under the sofa cushions and went to open the door. It could of been his parole officer. I ran to my friends room and told her he had to go and that he had a gun and what was going on. No one was at the door. Divine intervention, I said Jesus you are going to have to help me because I will never be taken advantage of like this again, I will die first.
From the children’s perspective, I now as an adult realized that they were taught this behavior as they experienced this as well from a family member, family friend or maybe a baby sitter. You never know what is happening with your child check on them, ask questions, try harder to protect them. I said nothing as a child, because I was less than 5 and did not know how to verbalize this.
One day I came home and to this day I can not remember what triggered me. I got a huge knife and put it to my stomach to end my life at 5. How could I ever know this at this age? My sister was screaming and crying and I locked her out of the house to do this. Of course I did not 50 years later I am telling my story. I worked through a lot. But…someone, some parent or child needed to read this. Learn to work through your past. Love yourself and protect your inner child, she or he is all you have. You heal yourself through loving and protecting yourself. Start telling yourself how much you love yourself through out your day.Forgive yourself,for not speaking up. It is never too late. You can also write it out and burn it. Feeling the release as it burns and you throw away the ashes. Take back your power! Forgive them, not for them, but for you to heal. They can never hold that power if you do not let them. Forgive, release and let it go. It won’t be over night, it is a process, but you can succeed at it for your sake.
Make a vow to do that, from verbal, emotional, physical, mental abuse, etc.
Being a creative Artist has helped me to heal over the years. I channeled my pain into Art. Find your passion and let yourself heal.
I love you all.
Alysia

I got my Joy back…..

This year I did something totally different. I grew up and now I look at life with a child like heart. Let me explain. I realized for 24 years I have been in mourning around the Christmas Holidays. I was in a fog, confused, crying and just sad about my children that passed. This year I said I will experience Christmas with Joy. So instead of taking my daughter’s birthday off to go and put a plant on her grave, I waited to do it on Saturday. So, I went to work and I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. There was so much laughter at work that day, and bonuses from my boss and gifts from Sub-contractors and that started my “Joy” full day.I would usually go to karaoke on Friday, but a D.J. friend of mine that I have known for years said he was throwing a party that night. Guess what I did? I went and had a wonderful time seeing friends I had not seen in almost 12 years, hugging, laughing, visiting and getting caught up, I realized I danced all night with multiple dance partners and friends. A “Joy” full evening. I did it!! I proved to myself that all it took was a different mindset and a child like heart and every day since then I have been feeling wonderful and looking at things with a child’s perspective and view. Do you remember being young and you could not go to sleep Christmas Eve thinking about Christmas and the gifts and what you were getting? Hoping to get certain gifts you asked for. Remember the anticipation of that day getting here, that you stayed up almost all night and you feel asleep with exhaustion and you woke up refreshed, but tired, but excited and ready to race downstairs and open those toys. That is exactly how I now feel each and everyday since I decided to take that step. My whole life has changed for the better!  Life has been great and most of all I got my “Joy” back……………….