Children and Young adults have seemed to become the center of my life. I mean, I raised my two and my sister’s five children and took kids in off the streets and raised them as my own and my children’s friends that were left on the streets, I took in. Not to toot my own horn, but the overwhelming desire to raise a child and to give them what my children had, clothes, a bed, warmth, food, love and a roof over their heads. Yes there were a lot of sleep overs and sharing of rooms. They became like brothers and sisters. I truly believe now that since I lost 2 children that my purpose was to help to raise others. I took them to church and gave them a positive foundation to stand and they all go to church still and some have their own children and they call me Grandma for the ones I took in off the streets and Auntie for the relative’s. l love them all and it helped to make my life more fulfilling and gave me motivation to carry on. It could not fill the void of the loss I suffered, but it did make me feel better knowing that someone’s baby would not die or be on the streets. Children and Young Adults need our love, nurturing, help, direction and discipline to make them into the Children and Young adults they were blessed to be. It helped these Children and Young Adults to fulfill their purpose, because someone did not give up on them….
The Holidays is usually a time of year where everyone is so happy, loving and filled with cheer. Or so many would believe, or maybe not. I am in the category of the percentage that does not enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not because of he bah humbug thing. But it is a constant reminder of the not so good times in my life. Yes I could just get over it, but it is too hard to just get over. For example every year before Thanksgiving I listen to Christmas music and feel so overjoyed with the Christmas holidays coming up. Well putting up the tree after Thanksgiving, listening to music, just thrills me, but when December comes, it is so hard to bare. It starts with my Son’s birthday on December 1st and then my daughter’s birthday on December 11th. On the 11th we go to the place she was buried to put a plant on her grave. She passed on December 26th the day after Christmas and it is so hard for me to be joyous with my daughter Angel, because I miss my other daughter and not to mention the other child I lost. I cry all month long at work, at home, church and yet no one notices, so l think.
When I was younger I enjoyed Christmas day, coming down and being surprised and now not so much anymore because as soon as I feel good about it, I regret it being over. I know what the next day is. I am not trying to put a damper on your Christmas Holiday season. I pray your day is full of love, much happiness and joy. I am thankful for my Son and my daughter I just can’t fill the void. So my Christmas will be just “The Holidays”….
I have lived the hardest life I ever wanted to live. I have had many hardships and I have learned very valuable lessons along the way. I am just starting to live life, and I am craving the excitement. I have been on some very strange paths, but this one feels so right. Starting over is never easy. You are lost and then you kind of go through a mourning process, and then you come out to the light, so brilliant, beautiful and bright.
Out of all that darkness into light. I am so blessed to see the light. No more confusion and feeling stuck. Momentum is picking up and I am diving in feet first. It feels so good to smile and mean it. Also to laugh is great. I mean a deep heart felt laugh that keeps you smiling for days. I have started to live and I am loving my new start and my new life. It seems it is exactly the way it should be right now and I have been taking every opportunity to get out after work and on the weekends. I feel like a bird flying and soaring above the trees. Walking in nature every chance I get during work on the walking and bike paths near the river is great. Life is worth living………..